Sir Keir Starmer has once again demonstrated his unique approach to leadership, which can best be described as ‘active contemplation.’ While the world turns at a dizzying pace, with crises erupting and policies needing to be, you know, decided upon, our Prime Minister has been a model of calm inaction. Sources close to Number 10 insist that this is not indecision, but rather a “carefully calibrated, 360-degree review of all available options, including some that don’t exist yet.” This process, they say, is designed to ensure that when a decision is finally made, it will be the most perfectly, meticulously thought-out decision that could have been made, regardless of whether the initial problem has long since been solved, forgotten, or replaced by a new, more pressing one.
This week’s saga concerning the UK’s top diplomat in the US has provided a perfect showcase for this innovative leadership style. After a series of revelations that would have had a lesser politician reaching for a swift, conclusive judgment, Starmer opted for a more nuanced path. He spent days, perhaps even weeks, internally debating the pros and cons of acting, eventually concluding that the best course of action was to fire the man, but only after initially defending him robustly. This is a bold new political strategy: the ‘Sack and Regret’ method. It allows you to appear loyal and decisive at the same time, albeit in two separate, contradictory news cycles.
The result of this strategic genius is a government that has the appearance of a beautifully choreographed waltz, except everyone is stepping on each other’s toes and the music stopped ages ago. With speculation now swirling about who might replace the recently departed, Sir Keir is reportedly considering all candidates from the last Labour leadership election, as well as a few historical figures and perhaps a mid-range celebrity chef. The public, meanwhile, waits with bated breath for the next major policy announcement, secure in the knowledge that it will arrive only when all possible alternatives have been thoroughly, and publicly, dismissed.
Kierless Whispers 