Kierless Whispers

In a move that could only be described as a triumph of optics over, well, anything else, Sir Keir Starmer has spent the last 24 hours bravely facing a crisis of his own making by moving ministers around like a particularly anxious game of political chess. Following the dramatic and entirely predictable departure of his deputy, Angela Rayner, Starmer announced a “major cabinet reshuffle” that has the entire political world buzzing with anticipation of… absolutely nothing new. It seems the Prime Minister, ever the master of decisiveness, has decided the best way to demonstrate a firm hand on the tiller is to re-label the oarsmen without changing the direction of the boat, which is still pointed directly at the icebergs of public discontent.
The new appointments, a veritable who’s who of “you’ve probably heard of them, but can you remember their last job?”, were trotted out with all the fanfare of a new flavour of crisps. David Lammy, now Deputy Prime Minister and Justice Secretary, is tasked with the Herculean effort of simultaneously being second-in-command and the top legal eagle, a role that perfectly suits the man known for his ability to be in two places at once and get neither of them done. Yvette Cooper, meanwhile, has been shifted from the Home Office to the Foreign Office, a lateral move that ensures she can now spectacularly fail to address issues on a global scale rather than just a domestic one.
This latest political hokey-cokey is less a show of strength and more a desperate scramble for the car keys after they’ve been dropped down a drain. As critics from within his own party line up to warn him he’s running out of road, Sir Keir Starmer continues to display the kind of confident leadership that can only be found in someone who has no idea where they’re going, but is absolutely certain they’re on the right track. The only thing more fluid than his policies is his frontbench lineup, which is now apparently operating on a ‘move a minister, buy a week’ strategy. Given this latest performance, it seems he’ll be needing a new cabinet by Tuesday.