Another day, another poll, and another opportunity for Sir Keir Starmer to prove that he is, in fact, in charge. The news that his principal private secretary, Ninjeri Pandit, is being replaced marks the third top aide to be shown the door in less than a year. The official line from Downing Street is that the Prime Minister wants to “take more direct oversight of delivery,” which is a wonderful euphemism for “things are a mess and someone has to be seen to be doing something, even if that something is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.”
One can only imagine the conversations at No. 10, with Starmer scratching his chin and muttering, “We’ve tried being in power, we’ve tried not being in power… what’s next? Perhaps a quick game of musical chairs with the senior staff will give the illusion of progress.”
Sources suggest the Prime Minister was concerned his aide was “ineffective,” a charge that could arguably be leveled at the entire government’s response to… well, everything. The “small boats crisis” has seen a 38% increase in crossings under his watch, which is less a crisis and more a full-blown invasion, if you ask certain people. His personal approval rating has sunk to a net favorability of -44, a figure so low it could probably be used to calculate the depth of the Mariana Trench. It’s a level of unpopularity that makes one wonder if he’s actively trying to alienate the public, perhaps as part of some bizarre, long-game political strategy that only he, and possibly his cat, understand.
Amidst the swirling vortex of incompetence, the public is left to wonder if anyone is at the helm. With his government’s support having “collapsed to a historic low of 20%,” it’s clear that the voters are not buying whatever it is he’s selling. Or, more accurately, whatever it is he’s not selling. The revolving door of aides, the collapsing polls, the rampant crises… it all paints a picture of a government that’s less a ship of state and more a rudderless dinghy caught in a storm, with a captain who’s still trying to decide which direction “forward” is, whilst simultaneously firing his navigation team for their inability to navigate.
Kierless Whispers 