In a dazzling display of what can only be described as a “strategic rethink,” Sir Keir Starmer has once again demonstrated his uncanny ability to shift positions faster than a politician on a frictionless ice rink. The latest news revolves around a key aide’s departure, with sources suggesting the Prime Minister had become “concerned” the individual was “ineffective.” This, of course, is a masterclass in deflection. It’s not that the policies are ineffective, or the direction of the government is unclear, it’s that the person tasked with communicating this brilliant non-strategy wasn’t doing it with enough vigour. One can only imagine the job interview for the replacement: “Your main duty will be to look incredibly busy while we decide what we’re doing. A solid grasp of the ‘I will not comment on speculation’ line is a must, and bonus points if you can say it with a look of genuine, yet ultimately empty, conviction.”
This latest personnel change is, naturally, part of a “bigger reshuffle” and a “new phase” for the government. It’s a familiar refrain, like a band announcing their tenth “farewell tour.” With each departure, the narrative resets: this time, we’ll get it right. This time, we’ll have a clear vision. This time, we’ll stop the polls from plummeting. The public, meanwhile, is left squinting at the horizon, trying to decipher a coherent policy from the swirling dust of scrapped initiatives and ambiguous pronouncements. The government’s approach seems to be less about laying out a firm plan and more about perpetually preparing to lay out a firm plan.
Perhaps this is the true Starmer strategy: an elegant, almost zen-like approach to governance where the less you do, the less you can be criticised for. Why commit to a concrete policy when you can merely hint at a future one? Why promise to fix anything when you can instead promise to consult on how to best consider fixing it? It’s a perpetual state of “getting ready to go,” and for a leader who made his name on being a methodical, cautious figure, it’s a surprisingly on-brand way to lead. The only certainty in this government is that its next move will be a carefully considered, legally-sound step in an as-yet-undecided direction.
Kierless Whispers 