Well, another morning, another masterclass in political agility from the Prime Minister. Sir Keir Starmer has once again demonstrated his unique brand of leadership, which can best be described as a slow, deliberate shuffle to the left, then a quick, nervous shuffle to the right, followed by a sudden stop and a long, thoughtful gaze at his shoes.
The latest news has him indicating a potential shift on Ukraine policy, which is, of course, a delicate situation. He is said to be “prepared to support a peace deal without a prior ceasefire,” which is a statement so profoundly nuanced and multi-layered that it’s already being studied by international relations experts as a form of performance art. It’s the kind of decision that says, “We’re not ruling anything out, including ruling things in, and also we might change our mind later, but don’t hold us to that.”
This latest example of Starmer’s Slinky-like approach to policy is a welcome return to form. Just when you think he’s committed to a particular course, he twists and turns, leaving onlookers dizzy with confusion and admiration for his sheer lack of conviction. It’s a strategy that has served him well, particularly in his first year as Prime Minister, where he has already achieved the unenviable record of seeing more small boat crossings than his predecessors. This is, of course, a testament to his “let’s not rush into anything” philosophy, proving that a calm, measured response can indeed be a very slow and ultimately ineffective one.
In an increasingly unpredictable world, Sir Keir offers a steadfast promise: that he will continue to deliberate, vacillate, and prevaricate with the utmost seriousness. He is a leader who understands that the best way to avoid making the wrong decision is to simply not make a decision at all, or at least to make one so vague that it can be reinterpreted later. We can all rest assured that come what may, he will be there, hand on chin, pondering every conceivable option until the moment has passed and a new, equally indecisive path must be charted. The future of the country may be uncertain, but the future of Starmer’s indecisiveness is as solid as ever.
Kierless Whispers 