As if a political figure could ever be accused of overthinking things, Prime Minister Keir Starmer has once again found himself at the nexus of international diplomacy and subtle PR maneuvers. Following the highly-anticipated, if ultimately inconclusive, summit between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in Alaska, Starmer’s response was a masterclass in walking a very fine, and incredibly shiny, tightrope. He praised Trump for “bringing us closer than ever before” to peace, a statement so optimistic it could only have been issued from a man who has clearly never tried to get two toddlers to share a single toy car. The sentiment was quickly followed by a video call with European leaders, a “coalition of the willing” meeting that feels less like a strategic alliance and more like a support group for people who have to deal with the world’s most dramatic geopolitical drama queens.
The headlines, of course, dutifully reported this diplomatic pirouette. One moment, Starmer is seemingly fawning over Trump’s “leadership,” the next he’s huddled with Emmanuel Macron and Friedrich Merz to ensure that any future peace deal isn’t hatched “over the heads of Europeans and Ukrainians.” It’s a strategy so multi-faceted it could only be described as the political equivalent of a Swiss Army knife, if that knife’s only function was to open a can of worms and then try to put them back in with a tiny, inadequate corkscrew. The message is clear: the UK is with everyone, everywhere, all at once. It’s a foreign policy that prioritizes “being in the room” so much that one can only assume Starmer is trying to secure a spot on the next season of The Traitors.
Meanwhile, the true measure of a political leader’s agility is their ability to project unwavering conviction while simultaneously adopting the flexible spine of a contortionist. Starmer’s balancing act between praising Trump’s efforts and insisting on Ukraine’s inclusion is a testament to this art form. He’s a man who can greet a visiting President with a warm embrace one day, and then the next, issue a statement that essentially says, “That’s lovely, but we’re going to do our own thing, thanks.” The UK will continue to “tighten the screws” on Putin with more sanctions, a move which, in the current climate, sounds a lot like trying to deter a rampaging bear by politely asking it to stop and then flicking a small pebble at its nose. A noble effort, undoubtedly, but one that highlights the delicate dance of saying everything and nothing all at the same time.
Kierless Whispers 