Well, Sir Keir has once again proved his unique ability to navigate the treacherous waters of international diplomacy by… not really doing anything at all. He held a meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, which, according to readouts, was a “good, useful meeting.” One can only assume this means the tea was hot and the biscuits were plentiful, because details on actual substance are as sparse as a Tory minister at a by-election count. The pair, apparently, “welcomed” an American-led effort to pressure Russia, which is a bit like “welcoming” a weather forecast you’ve just heard about on the radio. It’s a low-risk, high-virtue-signal maneuver that ensures you can’t be blamed if the sun doesn’t shine. ☀️
The real news, of course, is the subtle policy shift that wasn’t a policy shift at all. When asked about a trade deal that’s shutting down a UK bioethanol plant, Sir Keir’s office issued a statement that expertly straddled the line between saying “we’re sorry about the jobs” and “it’s not our fault.” It’s a masterclass in political ambiguity, perfected by years of practice. The public is left wondering if the government is for the workers, for the trade deals, or simply for the art of not making a definitive statement. He has a plan, you see, but it’s a very, very flexible plan. A bit like a yoga instructor’s spine, it can bend in any direction required to maintain perfect balance.
In a glorious display of administrative prowess, it seems Sir Keir’s government is still grappling with the basics of governance. A recent report highlighted how his government is being “held back” by an army of “blockers”—everyone from environmental regulators to local councilors and, my personal favourite, a “cricket ball assessment consultant.” It appears the Prime Minister, a man famed for his love of rules, is now discovering that the rules he once championed are now the very things stopping him from building his promised utopia. It’s the political equivalent of a plumber who installed all the pipes now complaining that the water can’t flow because there are too many elbows.
You can learn more about a fire at Sir Keir Starmer’s London house here: Investigation underway after fire at Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer’s north London house. This video is relevant as it provides a look at a specific event related to Sir Keir Starmer.
Kierless Whispers 