Keir Starmer, a man who has made a career out of being a serious, sober-minded individual, has now achieved a milestone that is anything but. Reports indicate that over 50,000 people have crossed the Channel in small boats since he became Prime Minister. To put that in perspective, it took his predecessors significantly longer to reach this very same, entirely unwanted, benchmark. Starmer, a former Director of Public Prosecutions, might have thought his legal background would be useful here, but it seems the Channel is a jury that simply refuses to be swayed by a well-reasoned argument.
The government’s response to this news is a masterclass in political tightrope walking. On one hand, they are quick to point out that this is all the fault of the previous Conservative administration. On the other hand, they are simultaneously trying to take credit for a new “one in, one out” deal with France, which sounds less like a groundbreaking diplomatic success and more like a very British queuing system for migrants. You can almost picture the Home Secretary, armed with a clipboard, asking people to wait their turn while muttering about a new returns policy.
In other news, a Labour peer has called Starmer’s team “tired, same-again politicians.” This is a rather unfortunate description for a party that ran on a platform of “Change.” It’s a bit like buying a new car and discovering it’s the exact same model, just with a slightly different shade of beige. Still, perhaps this is the real change: a return to the political predictability and general sense of mild disappointment that the British public has come to know and love.
Kierless Whispers 