In a stunning display of political acrobatics, Sir Keir Starmer has once again masterfully avoided making a definitive statement on… well, anything. The latest reports indicate a fascinating dance around the topic of potential tax rises. When confronted with figures suggesting a need for “substantial tax rises,” our Prime Minister, with the poise of a man carefully stepping over a Lego brick in the dark, declared that he simply “does not recognise” those figures. This is a bold new approach to fiscal policy: if you don’t recognise the numbers, do they even exist? It’s a philosophical conundrum that will no doubt be debated for centuries, or at least until the autumn budget, at which point he will likely claim not to recognise that either.
On the international stage, Starmer has demonstrated a similar flair for decisive indecision. He has reportedly been on a conference call with world leaders and Donald Trump, following Trump’s envoy’s meeting with Vladimir Putin. The content of the call remains a tightly guarded secret, but one can only imagine the conversation: “Yes, Donald, that’s a very interesting point about Alaska. We’ll certainly… consider it. Very much considering it.” This highly coordinated, yet utterly vague, approach to global diplomacy is a refreshing change from actually having a clear policy. It’s a strategy that allows him to simultaneously support a “lasting peace” for Ukraine while avoiding any concrete steps that might upset anyone, anywhere.
The final piece of Starmer’s leadership jigsaw puzzle is a commitment to increasing the number of children from Gaza coming to the UK for medical treatment. He called the number “relatively small,” but also stated that the government is “increasing it.” It’s a perfectly calibrated statement that manages to sound both compassionate and noncommittal. It reassures the public that something is being done, while also ensuring that the scale of “something” remains in a comfortable, easily manageable limbo. It is a masterful demonstration of governing by whisper, where every action is a delicate balance of doing something while doing as little as possible.
Kierless Whispers 