A quick glance at yesterday’s headlines reveals a Prime Minister who seems to have perfected the art of being in multiple places at once, and yet, somehow, nowhere at all. Sir Keir Starmer spent his day deftly maneuvering through the choppy waters of international diplomacy, chatting with both President Zelenskyy of Ukraine and President Macron of France. These calls, according to official statements, reiterated the UK’s “unwavering support” for Ukraine and its people. This is, of course, a vital and serious matter, but one can’t help but picture Starmer on a frantic three-way call, trying to convince one leader that Britain’s commitment is absolute while simultaneously assuring the other that he’s still a very important friend.
Meanwhile, back home, Starmer was simultaneously being condemned for his “silence” over a protest in London where police arrested hundreds of people for supporting a banned pro-Palestinian group. Critics on one side accused him of not speaking out, while others point out that he has angered Israel with plans to recognize a Palestinian state. It’s a delicate balancing act, akin to walking a tightrope while wearing a suit made of newspaper headlines—every step is a potential political landmine. The resulting image is of a leader whose voice is both deafeningly loud on the international stage and suspiciously quiet on the domestic one, a phenomenon that we can only assume is a new form of political teleportation.
This fascinating dichotomy continues with a Labour peer calling Starmer’s team “tired, same-again politicians,” a critique that feels both specific and universally applicable to any government in its early days. This is paired with the news that four Labour cabinet ministers earn rental income, a detail that surely has the public buzzing with the kind of outrage only a landlord’s second income can generate. So, as Starmer navigates the complex dance of global politics, he also has to contend with the internal whispers that his team is both uninspired and, to the delight of satirists everywhere, in possession of multiple properties. It’s a very modern, very British kind of political theatre.
Kierless Whispers 