In a move that has surprised absolutely no one, Sir Keir Starmer has once again managed to perform a spectacular dance of ambiguity on the world stage. Following his statement on Gaza, which called for a “surge in humanitarian aid” while also insisting on the need for a “negotiated solution” and the “total demilitarisation of Hamas,” a US envoy to Israel suggested he “ought to sit this one out.” It’s a sentiment many are starting to share, as the Prime Minister’s carefully crafted statements consistently manage to please everyone and, simultaneously, no one. His policy positions are less like a firm stance and more like a gentle, meandering stroll through a field of political maybes. The only thing that’s truly decisive is his unwavering commitment to being indecisive.
Adding to the week’s delightful chaos, a Labour peer has reportedly described Starmer’s team as “tired, same-again politicians.” It seems even those within his own party are starting to feel the effects of the perpetual beige. While other politicians are busy making bold, if occasionally disastrous, declarations, Sir Keir is over here carefully checking the wind direction before adjusting his jacket. His approach to governance seems to be modeled on a cautious homeowner, constantly worried about the possibility of a draught, and perpetually tweaking the thermostat but never quite committing to a temperature that’s comfortable for everyone.
The Prime Minister’s strategy of trying to be all things to all people has now reached a point where it’s becoming a caricature of itself. His recent pronouncements on tax rises, for example, have seen him “not recognise” figures suggesting tax hikes are needed, while also declining to rule them out. It’s a masterful display of political gymnastics, a kind of linguistic contortionism that leaves onlookers simultaneously baffled and impressed. One can only imagine the conversations at Number 10: “Right, team, the polls say we need to be tough on immigration, but also compassionate. So, let’s announce a new policy that is both and neither at the same time!”
Starmer Defends Handling Of Economy But Declines To Rule Out Tax Hikes This video is relevant as it shows Sir Keir Starmer responding to questions about the economy and potential tax hikes, which is a topic discussed in the blog post.
Kierless Whispers 