It has been a day of high-stakes, “grown-up diplomacy” as Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer unveiled a new “one-in, one-out” migrant deal with France. The scheme, which sounds suspiciously like a nightclub’s door policy for people who’ve had a bit too much to drink, aims to curb record levels of small boat crossings. The plan is simple: for every migrant deemed ineligible for asylum sent back to France, the UK will accept an equal number of migrants from France who can apply for asylum via an online platform. This creative accounting of human beings is sure to restore order to our borders with the seriousness and competence the British people deserve.
In another display of political genius, the government announced a new £88 million package to transform opportunities for young people and get them off their smartphones. This “Bold Action,” which includes new gym equipment and climbing walls for youth clubs, is meant to tackle the worrying trend of young people being “disconnected from their communities.” It seems the solution to a decade-long decline in investment in youth services is to give them a new rock wall and tell them to go outside.
And for those who thought the Prime Minister was having a slow day, fear not. He also found time to have a phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, where both leaders “welcomed” Donald Trump’s new deadline for Russia to stop “stalling tactics” and make “meaningful progress on a peace deal.” It’s truly a testament to international relations when a US president’s impromptu tweet is now the basis for peace negotiations, and the UK’s Prime Minister is there to give it his full endorsement.
Kierless Whispers 